*starts random tik tok music before throwing this at you*
Me: I be a cutie
there is literally no logical, emotional, aesthetic, philosophical, moral, or sexy reason for the sun to be gone at 4.30 pm
*goes up to a lesbian couple* so which of u is the cheetah (built for speed in open areas) and which of u is the jaguar (built for strength and stealth in wooded foresty areas)
todays straight character of the day is: nobody
I’m calling bullshit Odysseus is clearly bisexual
This is a quality joke
sanders as things I said while overly tired
Patton: I don’t condone violence but I’d skin a bitch if they ever hurt you
Remus, in love: really??
Patton, half asleep: yeah bitches better fear my carrot peeler
~
Logan: I can’t let go of this book
Virgil: why??
Logan, almost in tears: if I do I’ll float away
virgil, concerned: oh?
Logan: Don’t let me float Virgil please
Virgil, laying on Logan: you won’t float now
Logan, letting go of the book: I’ve been saved
~
Roman: oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck
Patton: What?
Roman: oh shiiiiiiiiiiiit
deceit: Roman?
Roman: oh gooooooooooood
Virgil: are you okay Princey?
Roman: oh heeeeeeeck
Remus: Roman not yet
Roman, laying on the ground: I’m deeeeead
~
Deceit: put suspenders on a dress, really confuse the queers
Remus: what if you add a bow tie too?
Deceit: I said confuse them, not murder them!
~
Patton: if I give you a dollar would you throw me out The window?
Roman, crying: no???? Pat please sleep?
Patton: let meeee express my self roman, I wanna fall out the window and get saved by a gay
Roman: roll of the bed, I’ll catch you then you’ll be saved by a gay!
Patton: perfect!
Roceit secretly married (but they didn't do that on purpose)
Deceit: "You would think after that trail they would finally realize I've been married to Roman, but nooo they think I'm manipulating him because I'm nice and make him feel loved."
Remus blinking and looking at Deceit: "You've been married to my brother?"
Deceit screams internally
Sometimes I say self loathing things to my therapist and he looks at me dead in the eyes before saying “You fucking moron.” and tbh same
Me: I think I don’t exist.
Therapist: Listen, you do exist, and if you didn’t, someone would have to create you because the world would be a much sadder place.
Me: Jerome, how dare you saying something so sweet when I’m dissociating.
Me: Honestly, (thing that is totally fucked up for any ‘sane’ person) is normal, right?
Therapist: No.
Me: Wow.
Therapist: You’re just a fucked up bitch.
Me: I do agree with the fucked up bitch part.
Therapist: That’s a start!
Me: I guess he’s still my friend?
Therapist: Considering what you told me and how much you wanna beat him to death, he’s not. You pretty much hate him despite knowing him for years.
Me:
Me: Why did I need to come here to realize that.
Therapist: Because that’s my job to help you to understand some stuff. Also because you’re way too kind and you would let someone punch you in the guts and still consider them as your friend while they stab you.
Me: I don’t need that kind of call out, Jerome.
Me: Hey, I brought you coffee. And croissants too, but I ate them. *puts Starbucks coffee in front of him*
Therapist: Oh that’s nice!!... Oh my name is on it!!
Me: Yeah!!
Therapist: It’s wholesome but... *very confused and silently*... How do I drink it?
Me, not being able to come to my appointment and having to call him: I’m sorry, it’s all my fault, I’m so so so sorr-
Therapist: I dare you to say sorry one more time. I dare you.
Therapist: Hey I wanna show you this super funny image I found the other day.
Me: What-
Therapist: *turns his screen and show me THIS*
Me:
Me: Jerome.
Therapist: You went to the gaypride?
Me: Yeah, I went.
Therapist: Was it something you enjoyed?
Me: Mh. Yeah. Sorta.
Therapist: Did you see some bears?
Me:
Me: Jerome wh-
Therapist: That’s the only term I know outside of the LGTB one, I wanted to use it.
Therapist: Are you sure you’re not becoming roommate with (name) because of pity? Kinda sacrificing yourself?
Me: No, I want it!!
Therapist: Finally, you’re not forcing yourself for the others! And you’re doing something you want! I’m proud of you!
Me: You’re more of a dad than my own father.
Therapist: That’s not very hard.
this is peak chaotic good i need this in a therapist
your vibes m’lord………
Check them for me, court jester
(faint jingling, followed by a loud thud)